I'm back!! :D

Not blogged in a while because iv been really poorly and that caused me to be super lazy ;) .... Not a lot has happened so iv not got that much to talk about although there's a lot going to be happening soon and I hope your all going to be here every step of the way... Well that's if anyone reads this (Y) 

:) x

Love!... <3

I think iv only ever been in love once! My Ex but recently my feelings for my girlfriend Steff have been getting stronger and I'm starting to see my life with her always by my side!.... 

 

^_^ That's the first picture I had took with Steff and if I'm truly honest that's the first time we met properly! She is truly amazing and helped me through so much in our little time we have been together, I couldn't have done most things without her! Yes I have had doubts about our relationship (mentioned in previous posts) but I stopped worrying and just relaxed. 

As iv said iv only ever felt like this about one other person and we were together for 5 years! I don't know if it's just because valentines day is approaching or  what but my feeling for this beautiful girl have got stronger and in a way that scares me... I'm afraid and worried that she will leave me an I'll be back to being alone :'( ... What should I do?! 

Do you think I'm worrying over nothing?!... Do I even have anything to worry about?!... Should I just let my feelings run their course?!... Am I gong to ruin what I have with this worry?!....

:) x

Cooking time!!!

Baking with mum and the sister is always a laugh, we all have out own way of doing things but the end product is always the same. 

Today we have made two apple&blackberry pies, apple&blackberry crumble, chocolate brownies, parfiterrolls and flapjack... Anyone would think we're having a party! Nope just cooking for the week or two, see mum freezes things... She's a bit OCD like that you should see inside the freezer.

My favourite thing about baking is the smells and being able to lick the bowel :) what's yours?..

:) x

What's the crack Naps?!

Naps.. I just don't get them at all, you go for an hours lay down or whatever and wake up even more tired than before... What's the crack!! 

I know napping in th middle of the day when you don't do anything is lazy but sometimes your body just needs a quick snooze... Even if I do wake up feeling worse than what I did, also I think it depends on where you nap. 

Dropping off on the sofa or in a chair is usually uncomfortable but and amazin sleep and sometimes having a quick one in bed can leave you waking up more tired than before... Seriously where is the logic?! Is it just my body that does this? Where's the best place to nap that's got both qualities comfort and freshness?! 

:) x 

My little baby!

So my cat thinks its a baby!.. No joke, he literally likes to be held and nursed like a newborn baby. He is such a mardy little thing but I love him dearly! :) 

So this little bundle of joy became part of my family about a year ago maybe a bit longer and although at first I didn't want a cat I couldn't now imagine my house without him. I named him Buttons because he seems to have a love for buttons, no joke! He loves to play with buttons and he chews them on clothes.  I never saw myself as a cat person but this fella just melted my heart (cheesy I know). 

People often have that argument 'which is better, cats or dogs?' but how can you answer that, unless your allergic to one I don't think there is an answer... What do you think?

:) x

Lets talk about SEX!

I don't see anything wrong with a free and single person sleeping around, as long as there using protection and not spreading infections, whats the harm?...

This is one thing I could never understand, the fact that people have a problem with someone sleeping around when there single. I think if the person is single and using protection and also sleeping with other single people then why should anyone have a problem... Am I wrong? I mean people that sleep around seem to get these names for themselves and I don't understand why if there single and there chosen fling is single. Iv personally never been one of these people who sleep around but I know quiet a lot of people who do and they generally get a lot of stick for it.

 What are your opinions?
Does anyone agree with me?
Have I misunderstood something?
What is the problem?

:) x

Drinking from the bottle!

Lately i'v been wondering whats the point in drinking, get out your face, forget your problems for the night only to wake up in the morning with a bad head and a blank memory to what you said or did... Is it worth it?

There's many people that say 'you don't need alcohol to have a good time' but how many of those people live by what they say?.. When I go out I don't always drink, mainly because I haven't the money to drink away but sometimes its nice to go out and let your hair down, get drunk and do silly things however the next morning isn't always fun. Recently Iv been trying not to drink as much as I used to, don't get me wrong I was no where near an alcoholic but my drinking got a bit out of hand, Id go out get drunk when I was upset or had an argument and forget about it all for a few hours but id always think about it the next day so it doesnt always go away.

Sometimes when I go out and ask for a soft drink I get funny looks and people are taken back by it which I don't understand because if a recovering alcoholic walked into a pub would everyone think it strange for them to order a soft drink?... Iv also decided to cut down on drinking because I'm trying to lose weight and iv heard that alcohol is rather fattening.. I don't understand how but its worth a try, anything to lose weight me... anyone know some good diets or got some good pointers for me!

:) x

One lie wont hurt.

Does a one little white lie always stay at just one?...

I'll confess now that I am a pretty good lair, I can lie through my back teeth to get me through things and sometimes get me what I want, I can lie to my parents and pretty much anyone but there's just one person that I cant lie to and that's my best friend Andy, that boy knows me better than anyone, half the time he knows me better than what I do. I hardly ever let my lies get bigger than a white one but sometimes you cant stop the words from coming out. If you lie to hurt someone its not acceptable but to protect or cover something up is alright... do you agree?

I know a lot of people hate lairs and the fact of telling lies but sometimes there just needed.. I mean, think of the last time you told someone a lie, was it worth it? Did it help with something? Was it needed? Sometimes a lie can make you feel better about yourself, can make you feel like your important/better than someone else but can also make you feel guilty and ashamed.. I think you need to get the balance right of what and how big of a lie you tell otherwise things could go bad and turn sour. The worst thing about a lie is when someone finds out you've told one... I mean what do you do? Panic? .... Whats the worst lie you've ever told?

:) x

Dole Life :(

Being skint and not being able to do things is starting to annoy me!!...

So I lost my last proper job back in march 2013 and its safe to say I fucking miss work!! I signed on the dole a few weeks after loosing my job and things were looking good... few interviews in first couple of weeks and even a trial but then all of a sudden it all stopped! I still applied for jobs (4 each day) and handed out my CV but nothing ever happened so I started helping out my friend who owns a bar, Iv always worked behind a bar and its where I feel most comfortable but then that fell through and she stopped asking me to come in so then I was right back to square one until October.

In October I had a few family things happen and I missed a few appointments with the dole office.. This caused arguments and I had to leave the dole.. Iv been managing alright without the dole but its now come to a point that I have £8 to my name and not able to do anything.. So Iv handed my application in to go back on the dole. I hate it but when push comes to shove it has to be done, even if they are useless and judgmental.. have I done the right thing?

I mean at least i'll now have money to go out with friends and finally be able to update my make up and surprise my girlfriend with some treats.. but I cant help but feel like Iv took a huge step back in my life, almost ashamed to say Iv signed back on. I think now Iv just got to keep positive and keep my temper under control, I'm sure i'll find something soon... right? 

Feelings SUCK!!

Having doubts already.. this relationship is amazing but whats wrong with me?!

Iv been with my girlfriend about 8 weeks and recently Iv been wondering if it was the right choice... She is amazing and makes me feel good about myself but I cant help but hold back, I feel as though I cant 100% commit.. Is this normal?....
I'm a natural flirt, I cant help it.. most of the time I don't even realize I'm doing it until someone points it out, Its just a part of who I am but I feel this is creating a barrier for me when it comes to a relationship. I don't know if my girlfriend has noticed this or if I'm just over thinking things but the past few days shes been distant from me.

This is such a new experience for me as its the first time Iv come out and open in a gay relationship.. I've always kept my gay relationships quiet as Iv always been the 'odd sheep' in the heard.. Don't get me wrong I came out as bisexual just after leaving school but never really felt the need to shout from the rooftops whenever I got together with someone.. some of my friends have never seen me with another girl. I have strong emotional feelings towards my girlfriend and I love being around her but I feel as though Iv lost some of who I am by not being able to have a laugh with other people as I feel like I'm flirting... Does any of this make sense to anyone as it certainly doesnt make sense to me!

I don't want to be single but I dont want to feel like this, should I tell her how I feel or keep quiet and see if this goes away?!... 

Friends are family...

 

I'll openly admit that I don't have that many friends but the select few I have are like a second family to me, I can always run to them when in need and there always there to help out when I'm down and upset. Last night I found out just how amazing my friends can be and what I actually mean to them, they make me happy and I wouldn't have them any other way.

 

I find it hard to get on with people, I can take an instant dislike to someone without getting to know them, this is what happened with my now best friend. We hated each other back in school, sometimes the hate and arguments got that bad that we wouldn't be able to be in the same room as each other without one of us kicking off... Childish yes I know! I think it was the new year of 2010 that we put everything behind us, safe to say when this decision was made we was rather drunk... but I don't regret it. We got close quite quickly and then started to work together and well its safe to say it didn't take long for us to do everything together, people mistook us for sisters and once in a while they would ask if we were partners!.. Its safe to say I she's a big part of who I am now as she's supported me through so much and we've always been there when the others in need.

 

All my friends mean something to me, they all play an important part of my life and who I am today, we've all got those friends that we cant remember where or when you met but you can always remember them being there and not to forget the childhood friends that you've never grown out no matter how long you don't speak. Then there's that one friend no matter what they say or do you never fall out... you have little tiffs but make up instantly and they can cheer you up without saying anything. You shouldn't ever take your friends for granted because you know when your going to need their help.

 

:) x

Long and slow...

No this isn't anything rude, It's how I'v started describing my days!!

After another night of no sleep i had a few hours nap resulting in me waking up at 1:45pm when my dads girlfriend walked through the door... Once again my day has consisted of nothing!!! Daytime TV is no help, Local chavs&tramps on Jezza and a double dose of Big Bang... doesnt get more exciting than that. Even social media (Facebook,Twitter&Instagram) is getting worse.. there wasn't even any arguments today to spice things up... Oh the joys of being unemployed!

Being unemployed is not something I'v chosen as a lifestyle before you stereotype me, I am actively seeking work and getting nowhere in the process... I mean is there actually any jobs out there anymore?
I'v worked in local bars and I love it, making friends with the locals and having fun with the regulars that come in.. Its where I felt most confident and comfortable stood behind that bar pulling pints and making cocktails. Id always have a laugh and felt part of a dysfunctional family but as always someone has to ruin that. After loosing my job I had to do what any other person in my town did.. I had to sign on the dole! I hated it... If I had any other choice at that time I would have taken it.

The woman I had to see every 2 weeks didn't like me and I didn't like her which made signing on difficult and I'd dread walking into that place, but desperate times calls for desperate needs... I just wish I could have kept my temper. Yes I probably shouldn't have shouted or threatened her but she wasn't giving me the help and support I needed... Was it wrong of me to just stop going?? Lately money has become tight well even tighter than what it was, I'm beginning to think I should sign back on... or at least start a job in the next few weeks... What would you do? Am I in the right frame of mind? Is this all making sense? How long will my money last?

:) x

Night is for sleep...

Iv decided to diagnose myself with Insomnia.

So I say to myself "tonight I'll go to bed at 09:00"... But this never happens. I always find myself sat wide awake either watching telly or on the computer, some nights I'm on my phone playing with apps until stupid o'clock. I'v tried just laying there in the dark and it doesn't seem to work, just lay there staring into nothingness... I'v heard someone say that if you have a neat and tidy room then you'll find it easier to sleep, tried that and nothing... my brain doesn't seem to switch off. Is this something I should go see my doctor about? Should I try natural sleeping remedies? Do you have suggestions?...

Don't get me wrong I do sleep, at silly times and for silly lengths of time but at least its sleep, right?.. The longest I'v gone without sleep was about just under 4 days... Safe to say I slept a complete 24 hours after that. Not being able to sleep is acceptable at the moment because I don't have a job, I'v no need to be up at a certain time but what happens once i get work?! Will my sleeping pattern change?? Will I sleep like a normal person?? Will I develop a 'normal' sleeping pattern??

What is 'normal'? Who has the right to say what is normal and what is not, shouldn't we as human beings be able to say what is normal for us and our individual life style... I think a 'normal' sleep should last between 6/8 hours.. I know my sleeping pattern is not 'normal' but is it okay for now? Safe to say some research is required into this and some professional help/opinions are needed but for now I should try and at least get an hour.. My goal for every night!

:) x

Introduction....

Starting a Blog is scary but It's a good place to offload and let people into a different life... My life to be exact, my day to day business, thoughts and opinions. 

I'm starting this blog as a place for people to relate to normal everyday situations.. Well what I think are normal situations. For some people reading this you might just think I'm a rambling no body who's trying to be popular... Maybe your right but the few that understand and can relate to me, Hello... I'm nobody special, I'm just someone who has too much going on in her head and needs somewhere to express it all.  I don't even know how to blog, I'm just jumping in head first... Hope this style of blogging is okay for you all to read (that's if anyone is even reading this!). I'v decided the best way for me to do this is to write as if I'm talking to a friend but firstly to be a friend I must introduce myself.

My names Rebecca but I prefer to be called Beckiiey and yes that's how I spell it, I'm 20 and currently starting 2014 in a relationship with an amazing girl (yes GIRL). I'm bisexual and currently unemployed... Yeah I feel like my life sucks ass right now but like people say, things can only get better. As you can see I have facial piercings, I have a few more piercings and also tattoos which I do get judged for especially having bright red hair as well, anyway I come from a little town/village from you're average home with average split up parents. I'm pretty normal (I like to think) although I like to have conversations in my head. 

I do not have a skinny model type body, I have flabby bits and stretch marks that I like to cover up as I'm not confident, Unlike most people I'm not a lover of clothes as I have a hard time finding something that fits/looks right so I don't have an overflowing wardrobe but I love make up and perfume. I live on a low budget so you wont be reading about all the latest brands I'v purchased but the times I do let go of a little money I will update you.... To whoever is reading this (if anybody) I'd love to get your feedback and comments... Be harsh if you like, everyone has their own opinion.

:) x